Ring Your Bell
by PuRpl3EcLips3
Summary: Bella brings Edward to a Sex Emporium...What will they find? EdwardXBella Oneshot.


**A/N:** So, this is my first Twlght fanfic and also my first rated M fanfic too. I do warn you though, there isn't an actual lemon in this fanfic, I just rated it M to be on the safe side. It's just a funny trip to a Sex Emporium. LOL. D Anyways, I hope you all enjoy! R&R!

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**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight

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"Of all places…" Edward thought.

He was currently standing outside of a store. But, no. Not just any store…a Sex Emporium. Even though he thought their sex was absolutely, positively the best…ever…and they didn't need any_ toys_, Bella had other ideas.

"Come on, Edward!" Bella took his hand and reluctantly he started walking with her out of the parking lot.

Ever since Bella became a vampire they were constantly having sex. Where ever they went they just had to take each other. It was unbelievable the number of time they did it a day. Edward always told her that she spoils him with sex, but she just says that he spoils her with presents.

It was true that Edward did have a tendency to buy her overly expensive gifts, but she would thank him then had sex with him to 'repay' his generosity. Then, he would have to buy her another present because the sex was so unbelievably fantastic that he would have to make it up to her…the cycle went on and on…

As they walked up to the emporium, Edward was thinking thoughts along the line of the sex they had last night…this morning…and in the Volvo before they left…

_Sigh _he thought_ I should have never let her drive…what was I thinking?!_

When they stepped into the shop, a bell rung, signaling to one of the clerks that customers had arrived.

A man, that most definitely was a man under all the make up and the hideous dress he was wearing said, "Hey, Hottie...what would you and your girlfriend like to buy today?"

It took Edward a few seconds before it registered in his head that this tranny was talking to him…not Bella…Once he figured that out, he just stared in shock.

Bella started to giggle at the look on Edwards face. "We were looking for some fun toys to play with," she said.

Edward was out of his shocked state but just look incredulously at Bella, and how casually she could talk about their sex life.

"Oh, Honey, you've got a nice pick here, he's gorgeous…Mmmm…he must be really good, am I right?" the 'woman' asked.

Bella giggle some more and nodded her head.

"By the way my name is Christy." the clerk said to both of them, but with 'her' eyes locked on Edward. The obvious maleness of his voice was given away even thought he tried so hard to have femininity.

_He's a living sex god…I wouldn't mind taking him in one of the dressing rooms…_

Edward visibly shivered at 'Christy's' thoughts and put his arm around Bella, more scared for his life than for Bella's. For the rest of the time he tried to block out the scary thoughts.

"We'd like some costumes." Bella stated calmly.

"Hmmm…costumes…we've got them in the back room…follow me," Christy said and looked between the two of them before heading towards the back room.

As they walked, Bella and Edward passed selves, display tables and racks of sex related items. It was almost overwhelming because everywhere you'd turn to look there were books, toys, outfits, and posters on the subject.

Once they reached the back room, there were costumes all over the place. Each costume had a guys and girls outfit to go with it. Some costumes, all the way in the back of the room had guy and guy outfits and girl and girl outfits. Edward made a mental note to not go back there.

"Here we are…there are sooo many costumes to choose from…" Christy said, "We have student and teacher, cowboy and cowgirl, movie star couples, doctor and patient, prince and princess…we even have store clerk and customer…" She said with a smirk at the end directed towards Edward.

Edward cringed and tightened his arm around bell, while all she could do was try to stifle her laughter.

"Ok, thank you," Bella said gaining her composure, "we'll just look around."

"Sure, sure" Christy said eying them quickly before moving into the front storeroom.

"Bella let's get out of here," Edward said as he took Bella's arm and hurried his way past racks of clothing.

"But Edward! We haven't even bought anything yet!"

He looked at her like she was crazy "Are you kidding me?! Why would you want to buy these costumes, if you can even call them clothes!?" He grabbed a random outfit with the hand that wasn't holding Bella.

As soon as he saw what it was he gave her a knowing look. Neither had no idea what it was supposed to be but it was indeed tiger print and some sort of overalls…

Bella sighed, then pouted "Edward some of these thing might be weird but I found some that would look really cute on the both of us…"

One thing he knew for sure was that he couldn't make his Bella sad so he gave up and let her take him back to the rack she was looking at before.

About ten minutes later Bella was content with what she found and stood next to her vampire hubby who was currently carrying 6 outfits. Out of nowhere, Christy returned…

"Hey, Babe wanna go try those on in the dressing room?" He/She said seductively to Edward.

Bella had an amused look on her face as the clerk tried to advance on Edward.

"No, thank you," Edward said in his politest manner, "I think we'd like to pay now."

_Awww…that's too bad. No fun for me. Sigh…Maybe the girl would wanna play…_Christy thought.

But before he/she asked Bella if she wanted to try something on, Edward grabbed his wife's arm and pulled her into the main storeroom. They walked up to the cashier who looked like an old bum who couldn't get a better job than this shack.

"Did you find everything you were looking for?" He asked in a bored tone.

"Yes, we did," Bella answered.

"Did anyone help you out today?" He asked, not that he really cared.

Edward spoke up "I believe a woman named Christy helped us out."

The clerk raised an eyebrow. "Oh, you mean Chris…I told him to stop playing around with the merchandise…You see he dresses up like a woman and tries to act like one…it scares off customers, but we can't afford to fire him."

Edward gave a nod. He didn't want to show it, but internally he was way passed being creeped out.

After the cashier was done ringing up the outfits, the couple headed out the door. But, before they opened it someone called out to them, so they turned around.

"Have fun with those outfits and remember to come back!" Chris, who was leaning against the back storeroom door, said looking at Edward. "And make sure to fuck her tight ass till she's crazy tonight." "Oh, and sweetie," he turned his gaze on Bella, "Do me a favor and ring his bell for me, ok?" He winked at her and then the two vampires left.

"That's the first and last time we go into any Sex Emporium…ever!" Edward commented when they got into the Volvo.

"Sure, whatever you want," Bella said, "But that was some excellent advice 'Christy' gave us before we left. I can't wait to try on these costumes and ring your bell."

Edward smirked as he started the engine and thought _I can't wait till we get home so I can fuck your tight ass_.

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**A/N: **I hope you all like it! I might even do a sequel with a real lemon…it depends on how much of a success this story is. So, please review and if you have a chance, go to my profile and vote on my poll! Thanks so much!

PeAcE OuT!!

PuRpL3EcLiPs3


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